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What to Say for Teeth, Bath, Meals & Bedtime

The daily-care demands, with the pressure taken out

Hygiene and bedtime are demand marathons: brush, rinse, undress, wash, pajamas, lights. Each step is its own ask. The pattern that helps most—fewer words, fewer steps, more of it already done before you speak.

Teeth & bath refusal

Instead of"Go brush your teeth."

Try"Toothbrush is ready." (Toothpaste already on it.)

Instead of"You need to take a bath."

Try"Bath's running. Bubbles are in."

Instead of"You smell, you have to shower."

Try"Shower's free now. Towel's on the hook."

Reduce steps. Toothpaste on the brush. Water already running. Towel already out. Each step you remove is a demand that never has to be refused.

Mealtimes

Instead of"Come eat dinner."

Try"Food's on the table."

Instead of"Sit down and eat."

Try"Plate's here when you're hungry."

Instead of"You need to try one bite."

Try"Safe foods are here. The new thing is just visiting the plate."

Pressure to eat reliably backfires, especially with ARFID in the mix. Keep safe foods always available and let new foods show up with zero expectations attached.

Starting bedtime

Instead of"Time for bed, let's go."

Try"Bedtime routine starting in 10. What do you want to do first?"

Instead of"Go to bed right now."

Try"I'm heading to read in your room. Join me if you want."

Instead of"If you don't sleep now you'll be exhausted tomorrow."

Try"Lights are going low. You can read or listen to something quiet."

Give choice within structure: "Teeth or PJs first?" Both happen, but they chose the order. And "rest" is an easier ask than "sleep"—sleep can't be commanded, even by them.

If hygiene has stopped almost completely

When a child stops washing, brushing, or changing clothes for long stretches, it's usually a capacity problem, not a hygiene problem—a sign the overall demand load is past what their nervous system can carry. Scripts help at the edges, but the real fix is dropping demands elsewhere until capacity comes back.

Pick the one thing with real health stakes (usually teeth), make it as close to zero-step as possible, and genuinely let the rest go for now. Wipes instead of baths. Dry shampoo. Clean clothes that look like the ones they won't take off. This is a season, not forever.

Why this works

Daily-care tasks arrive as commands dozens of times a day, every day, forever. For a PDA child each one triggers the same threat response, no matter how reasonable the ask is. Declarative statements ("bath's running") carry the same information as commands ("take a bath") with none of the confrontation—there's nothing to push back against, so the nervous system doesn't have to.

More scripts